The Hermit and Her Cloak. 02/03/15

I stray away from the chaos and madness of society and wrap myself within my red and white cloak. So many people living lives of anger and sadness, unfulfilled in what we’ve made in our society. I long for the solitude and peace away from them all, from humans, from pain, from wishes and hopes no longer granted. I lift the hood of my cloak over my head and remove my shoes, with my lantern brightly illuminating my path I journey into the night, not bothering to look back at what I’m leaving. I know what’s there and I will no longer subject myself to it.

I find myself a cave in the side of the mountain and I stand next to the dying embers of my fire and cocoon myself within my cloak and I cry. I weep for the past I’ve left behind and I mourn for a society so far gone that the colors of the city itself have seeped from the trees, the grass and the sky. I feel my Lady’s presence within my blessed cloak, healing my heart and uplifting my spirits. I ask her if I am indeed doing the right thing by leaving what I know far behind. The dead leaves of winter rustle and are blown around my feet and create a lemniscate from my knees, to my heart and above my head. Yes. She is here. And I have done the right thing.

My lantern is safe within the cave, ever burning and never extinguishing. It has been lit by those before me who have inspired and uplifted me on my path and it is my hope that I may shine that light and inspire others who seek out this light so that their lanterns may be lit and they in turn shall light others, creating a wave through the world of evolution and change. So that this world can become more than it is so that WE may become more than what we are.

Ever seeking and ever diligent, I search for truth. Not the One and only truth that most believe there is, but many truths, hundreds of truths. I search for new perspectives and I find that as I search, my own truths are revealed. I learn about myself in the reflection of others that I meet. I find myself within stories told of ancestors and of their lives they led. Going within myself, within my blessed cloak, I find what I’ve been searching for. That what I search for without I must create first within. Then my reality can be what I make of it, because it will be within my own heart first.

With this knowledge, I am able to return to “civilization” with a better understanding of myself and the path I walk. To me, I am apart of it and yet disassociated all at once. I no longer form myself into what might be expected because I have come to know myself. I am me.

Images Found at:

http://imgkid.com/the-hermit-tarot-art.shtml

http://www.wildcat-studios.com/printgal/tri-9.php

http://1ms.net/the-hermit-325410.html

 

My Wedding Ceremony!

Imbolc

2/2/14

The Hand Fast 

Sean Haun and I got married! We had a Hand Fast that was performed by our High Priest and High Priestess in their yard. It was such a magical experience and I was SO nervous! As soon as the ceremony started though, my nerves melted away and I became so excited. I wore my cloak that Sean had sewed for me as a Yule present and we both wore crowns of lilies that were made for us both to wear on our heads and I had a lily bouquet. 

We entered the circle at noon and to begin they had us face each direction and they blessed us with the corresponding element associated with the direction: North-Air, East-Fire, South-Earth and West-Water. Then they gave us a "taste" of what we should expect from our lives together as a married couple. They had us taste straight lemon juice for bitter times, Cayenne Pepper for Passion, Vinegar for the times of Sorrow and Sugar for the sweet times together. It was SO gross! By the time I added the vinegar to the party in my mouth, I couldn't take it any more so I started spitting it on the ground! Ha ha ha the sugar helped cut through all that intense flavor dancing around on my tongue, but it was still so nasty. Still, if anything at least it brought some laughter to the ceremony so in the end, it was totally worth spitting up on the ground!

Then they tied our hands together with gold rope and then gave us a candle to hold in our fasted hands. The candle was made by the High Priest to capture the energy of the God and the Goddess: red wax and white wax were entwined together in a spiral, two halves making one whole. The hope is that, during our marriage if we find ourselves fighting, bickering or feeling alone we are to burn this candle together, reminding ourselves that we are one, that we are two halves of a whole.

Then came the "I do's" and the famous "You may now Kiss the Bride!"

Then to end the ceremony we "Jumped the Broom" to bring us abundance, fertility and a loving connection between us for our marriage! It was the ceremony I've been wanting for many years and I'm so grateful that the man I married also wanted to have the same ceremony performed for us! It was spiritually uplifting and magical.

The Ceremony was followed by steak at the Out Back Steak House (on Super Bowl Sunday I should add) and then we went to the Anniversary Inn for our wedding night where we literally SLEPT for SO LONG! Ha ha ha we were SO exhausted!  

Queen of Coins- A Writing

Queen of Coins

Legacy of the Divine Tarot

A Writing

07-15-2012

Adorned with the Gold of the Gods

I step out my back door.

Elegant and fair

the sun devours my skin.

Dressed in my finest dress

I kneel in the dirt.

My fingers bury themselves

in the grass

the soil

the leaves,

Nurturing this plot of land

the Goddess intrusted to me.

The hum of the Earth

happily reaches towards my hands,

accepting my invitation to be

and grow.

I stretch and lay down

on my back

my precisely pedicured feet

rooting to the ground on the

cool, clean, freshly cut grass.

Old ancient trees branch out

above my head as 

the sun tries to sneak a peek at me

through the canopy of leaves.

Centuries creep by

as I watch the sun and moon

chase each other 

through the heavens.

Ivy, vines and weeds

have twined themselves

through my lovely red curls,

around my arms and ankles.

I feel the Earth

prompting me:

Allow

Expand

Become

I hear the voices

but don't understand the language.

My body isn't discernible

from this or that anymore.

I feel myself spreading

pulled, nudged and pushed.

I feel the intense pressure

of the Oceans.

I feel the lack of oxygen

in my highest peaks

in the atmosphere.

I feel the imeasurable

agony

from the rape of fire

but delight in my power to grow

when the flames die out.

I travel far 

until I reach where my feet originally started. 

The Earth ends where it began.

I sit up

knowing my body will not.

I ascend to the stars

and I watch

as the the gold I adorned myself  with

from the Gods

glistens and waits

to be found once again.

   

3 of Crystals-Voyager Tarot

Voyager Tarot

3 of Crystals

Answered Prayer 08-20-2012

If i could have anything I wanted

if God appeared to me right now

to tell me that he will answer one of my prayers this minute

what would I pray for?

What wild unfathomable thing

would I dream up?

Would it be simple?

Would I pray for riches

or for the riches of knowledge?

I could pray for this heart to be

unbroken,

or maybe I already know that it's not.

Pray for reassurance? 

To ask God to reassure that 

I already know that 

I know?

Maybe I could pray

to shed this heavy, dark, caging body

and ask to be lifted up

to the stars.

Just for awhile.

To feel light again.

To not be beaten

by myself.

I would pray

to not be consumed

by doubt.

To just BE.

I would be as wide

as the sky.

Nothing constricting

or painful.

I would pray 

to be in in all the

colors.

To dance in every Melody.

I would pray that when I

came back to my body  

I would remember.

Remember how it felt to be

all of the stars.

I would remember how

to reach out and 

touch some one

and their darkness

would cease.

If God appeared to me today to tell me he would answer one of my prayers

I would pray for Peace. 

Randy Pants

I know it's been a good year and a half since we saved Randy, but it's never too late to update and tell the story!

This is the story about our newest addition: Randy! The story starts with me at work on June 6th, 2011. I work the grave yards and sometimes it can get really slow. In between shipments of work, i would check out the web just to see what's what. My friend Dustin who used to work there at the time was on KSL.com looking at who knows what, but it got me wanting to get on and check out the pet section to see what kind of dogs were up for sell (not that i had had any real intention of getting another dog...). Anyways as i was scrolling down there was this picture of a pooch that had a similar face of Tom's (see blog "And Then There Was Tom")! And the post was saying something along the lines of "Urgent! This dog is scheduled to be Euthanized on June 7th! Needs a home!" and of course it tugged at my heart strings because how awful is that? And then since i knew when the dog was going to be put down, it was like knowing when some one was going to die! I kept thinking about it all night while i was attempting to work. I would think about how i would wake up that day and how i would know that that life would be ended at just 1 year old! i was trying to make myself feel better by thinking about how he would go somewhere much better once he died ect. ect. I was even trying to sell him to other people at work, telling them they should go adopt him so he wouldn't be put down. I kept revisiting that site through out my shift to read up on where he was, come to find out he was in a little town called Gunnison way down south. Everything about his situation was awful. He was malnourished, too skinny, and he had been in that pound for most of his short little life.

Well after a night of fussing and worrying, i went home to talk to my dad about the little guy. And as embarrassing as it is to admit, I ended up crying while i was telling him. So Dad told me to call and look into what needed to be done! So i hurried and called the people up. I learned that they were looking for a foster family for him because a few other shelters had said that they could take him, they were just having trouble finding some one to make the drive down there to pick the dog up. and i told her that we were planning to get pick him up anyways. She was so thrilled with us offering to do that! So she gave us instructions on how to find him, then Dad, Sean and I headed out the door!

When we got to the pound the first thing that i noticed was how gross, small, stinky and hot the pound was. The old man that was there was really crotchety (and not in an endearing, cute old man sort of way) and he was being kind of grumpy with us. Well, they went in the back to bring Randy out to us and he looked awful! The old man told us that the dog had been drugged up because he had been making a ton of noise. Randy was pretty much in the same condition as this pound was in. He was dirty, stinky and sad. He looked 10 years older than he really was. Since they had sedated him, he looked even more droopy than he should have. And boy was he fighting coming out from the back! He was so scared. There was a second younger guy working there and he was the one who helped us get Randy to the car because Randy decided that he wasn't moving so the Guy had to pick him up and take him to the car. I sat in the back seat with Randy on the drive back. He would try to lift his head up and look at me, but then he would have to drop his head back down and snooze for awhile. When we got him home he just kind of stayed in the kennel. So we let him stay there and sleep off the last of the sedative.

When he woke up we took him out side to let him snoop around and to EAT! He was so skinny and scrawny it looked like he hadn't got a full meal in days. For the most part he stayed clear of all of us. But he did let me pet him and give him loves. He really didn't get very animated until we brought Tom over to meet him! They hit it off as if they knew they were long lost brothers! Tom got Randy playing outside and even got him to trust the rest of us! They looked so cute and perfect together!

We were only supposed to keep Randy for a few days and then take him to meet some lady that would take him to the next shelter that would take him. But, of ALL people, it was MY mother who asked me "Could we adopt him?" ha ha ha MY mother! So after some calls and paperwork Randy became our dog!!! 

And now Randy has been part of the family for a whole year and a half! We even taught him how to sing! And because of all the loving he gets from everyone, he looks like a puppy again instead of a raggity old man like he did before! We call him Sentry Randy because he always has to know what's going on in and around the house. I could see him as an old military dog, patrolling the barracks and scouting out the areas!

So that's the short story about our dog Randy and how he came to be part of the family!!!

A Sun Reading

I’ve been slowly making my way through a Rachel Pollack book called Tarot Wisdom. Each major arcana card that she writes about comes with a spread that you can do that helps you see how that particular card affects you at any given moment in life. On Tuesday I pulled the Sun card as my “card of the day” and that just happens to be the next chapter I’m on in the book. Like I talked about in my Justice Blog, I usually don’t move on in that book until I either pull the card that will be discussed in the next chapter or if certain things in my life are echoing the meaning of the card in the next chapter. 

So here it is! :D

A Sun Reading

Gaian Tarot Deck

11-18-11

1-What is clear in my life?

                -Child of Water: Affirmation “I imagine a life filled with love, art and spirituality”

·         What is clear in my life is unconditional love, fantasy, imagination, dreams and spirituality. It is clear that art, music, writing and all those forms of creative expression are a deep part of me and what gives me happiness.

2-What is cloudy?

                -Explorer of Earth: living and working with nature, spirituality experienced in the body, practicality with health and finances.

·         My connection to nature is a bit cloudy. It’s hard to connect with earth based practices sometimes. I’ve thought a lot about this actually after reading The Hunger Games hahaha because I really don’t know much about outdoor survival and about plants and tracking and how to basically survive from what mother nature has to offer. I’m pretty materialistic and dependant on those material items. And as per usual my physical health is always cloudy for me.

3-What helps me see clearly?

                -Ten of Earth: Affirmation “I know my life’s work will benefit coming generations.”

·         What I do and accomplish will help and inspire whoever comes after me. Learning about the earth and taking care of my physical life and finances (Explorer of Earth) not only helps me out but my children and whoever goes on after I die. I can turn to the ones before me and my ancestors for knowledge and wisdom so I can apply what they learned and live it to be an example to future generations.

4-What confuses me?

                -Ace of Water: Following the heart’s desire, following intuition and dreams. Trusting the wisdom of your heart.

·         In the shadow side of this card, the companion book to the Gaian Tarot deck  says “You have many good reasons for why you just can’t follow your heart’s desire. Your challenge is to learn to trust your feelings and intuition”. I have all of these dreams and goals for my future and for what I want to be when I grow up but because of my fears I let confuse my heart and mind, I get stuck and I don’t want to change. It’s too scary. The image of the Ace of Water in this deck is a salmon whose eggs have just hatched and are swimming around “exploring their watery world”.

5-How can I simplify my life?

                -18 The Moon: Constant faithful changes, cycle of decent and return (the salmon in the ace of water) psychic awakening, light and shadow, dreams and imagination.

·         It’s like the reading has come full circle! The moon links back with the Child of Water. What is clear to me in the Child of Water is what I can do to make my life simpler. The confusion I feel in the Ace of Water is linked to the moon with the salmon. The moon card has the image of moon cycles, a wolf, an owl and the salmon. To make life simpler I need to trust my intuition even though it may seem confusing, but it will bring back that clarity in the child card. My work with dreams, the tarot, and writing helps simplify my life because I don’t feel so helpless or victimized. It’s more empowering. The moon doesn’t come across as simple at first glance but if I trust and even rely on change in my life I don’t get caught up and confused in my always changing reality.

It’s funny because I only got feminine elements in this reading. I got two water cards, two earth cards and the Moon which rules over water. Even the cyclic nature of this spread has moon themes in it. The clarity of imagination, dreams and emotions are confused with practicality and material life. Cleary seeing what I have to offer the world takes me on a new journey to re-explore what used to be clear but somehow got muddled up by fear and confusion then leads me to simplify my life through acceptance of change, death and rebirth to be born again as the Child of Water, right where I started from again…

A Follow Up to Halloween

Just to follow up after my blog about Halloween I wanted to write about the experiences I had this season! It was crazy!

I was reading up on the Celtic people and their traditions for Halloween.  They called it Samhain (pronounced Sow-en) and to them the gates of the Otherworld started opening on Oct. 29 and closed on Nov. 1^st. Those were the days when there was the most otherworldly activity going on. I thought that was really cool! The Celtic people also considered sun down to be when the new day started instead of how we do it now where it starts at midnight. So to them when the sun went down on Oct. 31 it was technically Nov. 1^st and that’s why they called the 31^st All Hallows Eve. Nov. 1^st is when the veil would be the thinnest between worlds. Because of how close we are to the other side on that night it was especially good for divination and seeing future events. I’m not a fortune teller but I decided to use my Halloween Tarot deck to participate in a tradition that has been held for who knows how many years by the Celtic people and see if I could take a gander at what the days between the 29 and the 1^st would bring. I pulled a random card each day to represent who or what other worldly forces would be at play during the day and then I pulled 3 cards to represent the events that influence would have on the day. So!....

September 28^th-29th

-Who or What other worldly forces will be at work today?

-King of Wands-Male influences, hasty and Fiery. The King of Wands can be an actor of sorts, someone who can wear all sorts of masks and has the confidence to pull off each roll.

-What events will this influence lead to today?

                -7 of Pentacles- Hard work, seeing results but after a long period of effort. Breakthroughs, a change of luck based on the quality of work put into projects.

                - 5 of Swords- Bullies and their victims, loss, defeat. Unfairness…

                - I Magician- Natural skills, working with all elements, creative power and mastery

The King of Wands to me was interesting to pop up representing otherworldly influences. In my last blog I hinted at the Queen of Wands as being a feminine aspect from the otherworld. I’ve read different theories that the suit of Cups is more about intuition, spirituality and “the Sight”, but maybe the wands could be the energy found there and the skills gained to work with it. To me the Queen of Wands is the Sensor of the deck, who has the premonitions and works with the other side. Perhaps the King then is the Shaman who travels the other worlds and has the authority there to gain insight to bring back here to share with his people. Who knows?

So keeping the King of wands in mind I looked at the event of the day that would be influenced by the King. The 7 of Pentacles was interesting because work that day was ridiculous. The pod I work in with my co workers had this shipment that took us from 9:30 to about 3 in the morning to finish. It felt like we had been working so hard all night with no productivity to show for it. Then the 5 of Swords happened. Things just got weird, like the mood shifted and just felt weird. People were crying, people were making people cry… the image in the 5 of Swords in the Halloween Tarot is a picture of a boy stealing Halloween candy from little kids. Kids were crying and the bullies were abusing their power. It was uncanny how right on that card was. Then the night ended with the Magician. I found myself having to really use the skills that I’ve learned to pull my team through some drama that our “bully” was trying to start. To me the magician is creative and craftsy, I usually relate that card to people who can make or do anything, like the “Jack of All Trades” people. But I was the magician in a whole new perspective! It was pretty cool.

Oct. 29^th-30th

-Who or What other worldly forces will be at work today?

                -XVI The Tower

                Chaos, enlightenment, clearing away the old to make way for the new, new foundations

The Tower is a card that is followed by some kind of shake up. When you have an epiphany of sorts there’s no way you can go back to your old way of viewing the world. And so naturally there is a time of chaos when you try to figure out how to apply your new views to your daily life. It’s that time in your life that you can look back on and be glad that’s it’s over but your happy it happened.

-What events will this influence lead to today?

                -VIII Strength- The use of gentle persuasion over brute force.

                -2 of Pentacles- Balancing two situations

                -3 of Pentacles- Hard work with the strength of passion behind it.

After work on the 30^th I had the worst headache ever. It could have been the “lightning bolt to the crown” that is depicted in the Tower but without the enlightenment behind it! The feeling at my job felt chaotic. The VIII Strength card was really funny because the image looked just like a moment I had with the “bully” at my job. It’s this lady who doesn’t know how to properly manage her row of workers and has a tendency to use her powers for her own self esteem. I was walking by her and she just looked so small and frail and it looked like the way the artist depicted the lion in the Strength card, all huge and imposing but with this look of sheer terror! The lion tamer is calm and sweet with the lion and is looking into his mouth to see what’s wrong with no fear of her hand getting bit of. To me I felt like the lion tamer and this lady was the lion. Instead of reacting to her games with anger I used “gentle strength over brute force” and I didn’t let my anger from the other day become “brute force”. The 2 of Pentacles was funny because I was having really fun and interesting conversations with friends at work about like astrology and the tarot and the elements and such, but then had to remember that “oh yeah I should be working” it did feel like a juggling act which is the depiction in the image of the 2 of pent. Then the 3 was funny because I came home from work and made astrology charts and studied up on things just because I wanted to! It was work, but there was a passion behind it.

Oct. 30^th-31^st

-Who or What other worldly forces will be at work today?

                5 of Wands-Competition, generating conflict due to stagnation, struggle

My grandma when she first taught me tarot told me that in numerology, 5’s are what she calls AFGO’s (Another Freaking Growth Opportunity). The 5 of Wands is an opportunity to test you on how you face challenge and competition.

-What events will this influence lead to today?

                -Queen of Wands-Our sensor again!

                -Page of Pentacles- learning about the world around us, study and seeking.

                -10 of Pentacles- Rewards, Family generations and inheritance

All day at work I could just imagine all of these little imps running around the lab and causing trouble everywhere just like in the 5 of Wands card. People were starting up conflicts not because they really felt a particular way about anything but because they just wanted to argue. Electronics weren’t working very well, things went missing people were on edge. The Queen of Wands was in a lot of conversations I was having during the weekend. To me it was funny that it kept coming up because I had learned a lot about her from the passing weeks. The page of pentacles was about learning about our natural world and seeking knowledge. The 10 of Pentacles was a picture of a kid trying to hit a piñata but there was a strange masked figure messing around with the rope the piñata was on. We finished the work early that night and they decided to let us watch the Nightmare Before Christmas what with it being Halloween and all. It had been such a weird day that is was nice to be rewarded with a fun movie to watch instead of a boring documentary they usually have us watch.

Oct.31^st – Nov. 1^st Halloween

Before I put the cards I got I’m just going to say that Halloween this year was without a doubt the weirdest Halloween I’ve ever had that I can consciously recall. And it wasn’t even just me! It was everywhere. I saw it in the football game my brother was watching. I saw it in everyone around me! Instead of thinking about the other worldly forces for my first card I decided to see what all the other “Influence” cards were building towards, like if they all could morph into one, what form would they take?

-What is the King of Wands, the Tower and the 5 of Wands culminating to?

                -XXI The World – “the fool reaches the end of his journey at the World (or Underworld) …”

Completion, Success, a sense of oneness with the world around you.

-What event’s will this influence lead to today?

-4 of Pentacles- miserly tendencies to greed and hoarding, savings, thinking ahead for future harvests

-6 of Wands- meaningful victories, much tested and much earned success.

-8 of Bats- restrictive surroundings, bad situations, imprisonment of the mind

When I pulled the World card for my question about how all the other influence cards were connected it was only natural that they combined into the World card. It’s a message that the other world is a part of this world; it’s not a separate place. It has just as much influence in our day to day that we have to it. And on Halloween when that gate is opened and we all walk together no wonder everything seems crazy! I dressed up as Elder Price from the Book of Mormon musical for Halloween. I asked my brother Kelly if I could wear one of his white shirts. I had tried it on to see how it would look a few times before Halloween but at work that night when I went to put the name tag on my pocket I noticed there was a paper already there. When I pulled it out I realized it was the program from my Grandma Walker’s funeral from 2009! There was her picture looking right at me. I truly almost started crying. After all my talk about The Otherworld and reconnecting with our ancestors who have passed on I couldn’t even have fathomed a sign that obvious! Between all the pesky little imps running around and causing trouble and all the petty drama at work, the card readings and the articles read about the season, that moment truly made me respect the powers at work behind the scenes during Halloween. Everything else that night had to offer didn’t even come close to that moment that I got to reconnect with my grandma after 2 long years of her being gone.

This Halloween had a lot of weird activity, fights and drama, but I feel even more connected to the other side then I ever had before. It’s not about seeing ghosts all the time and being haunted although there are situations where that happens. Being connected to the otherworld is just being aware of your surroundings and being able to understand those signs. Having a foot in both the worlds as the saying goes…