A Sun Reading

I’ve been slowly making my way through a Rachel Pollack book called Tarot Wisdom. Each major arcana card that she writes about comes with a spread that you can do that helps you see how that particular card affects you at any given moment in life. On Tuesday I pulled the Sun card as my “card of the day” and that just happens to be the next chapter I’m on in the book. Like I talked about in my Justice Blog, I usually don’t move on in that book until I either pull the card that will be discussed in the next chapter or if certain things in my life are echoing the meaning of the card in the next chapter. 

So here it is! :D

A Sun Reading

Gaian Tarot Deck

11-18-11

1-What is clear in my life?

                -Child of Water: Affirmation “I imagine a life filled with love, art and spirituality”

·         What is clear in my life is unconditional love, fantasy, imagination, dreams and spirituality. It is clear that art, music, writing and all those forms of creative expression are a deep part of me and what gives me happiness.

2-What is cloudy?

                -Explorer of Earth: living and working with nature, spirituality experienced in the body, practicality with health and finances.

·         My connection to nature is a bit cloudy. It’s hard to connect with earth based practices sometimes. I’ve thought a lot about this actually after reading The Hunger Games hahaha because I really don’t know much about outdoor survival and about plants and tracking and how to basically survive from what mother nature has to offer. I’m pretty materialistic and dependant on those material items. And as per usual my physical health is always cloudy for me.

3-What helps me see clearly?

                -Ten of Earth: Affirmation “I know my life’s work will benefit coming generations.”

·         What I do and accomplish will help and inspire whoever comes after me. Learning about the earth and taking care of my physical life and finances (Explorer of Earth) not only helps me out but my children and whoever goes on after I die. I can turn to the ones before me and my ancestors for knowledge and wisdom so I can apply what they learned and live it to be an example to future generations.

4-What confuses me?

                -Ace of Water: Following the heart’s desire, following intuition and dreams. Trusting the wisdom of your heart.

·         In the shadow side of this card, the companion book to the Gaian Tarot deck  says “You have many good reasons for why you just can’t follow your heart’s desire. Your challenge is to learn to trust your feelings and intuition”. I have all of these dreams and goals for my future and for what I want to be when I grow up but because of my fears I let confuse my heart and mind, I get stuck and I don’t want to change. It’s too scary. The image of the Ace of Water in this deck is a salmon whose eggs have just hatched and are swimming around “exploring their watery world”.

5-How can I simplify my life?

                -18 The Moon: Constant faithful changes, cycle of decent and return (the salmon in the ace of water) psychic awakening, light and shadow, dreams and imagination.

·         It’s like the reading has come full circle! The moon links back with the Child of Water. What is clear to me in the Child of Water is what I can do to make my life simpler. The confusion I feel in the Ace of Water is linked to the moon with the salmon. The moon card has the image of moon cycles, a wolf, an owl and the salmon. To make life simpler I need to trust my intuition even though it may seem confusing, but it will bring back that clarity in the child card. My work with dreams, the tarot, and writing helps simplify my life because I don’t feel so helpless or victimized. It’s more empowering. The moon doesn’t come across as simple at first glance but if I trust and even rely on change in my life I don’t get caught up and confused in my always changing reality.

It’s funny because I only got feminine elements in this reading. I got two water cards, two earth cards and the Moon which rules over water. Even the cyclic nature of this spread has moon themes in it. The clarity of imagination, dreams and emotions are confused with practicality and material life. Cleary seeing what I have to offer the world takes me on a new journey to re-explore what used to be clear but somehow got muddled up by fear and confusion then leads me to simplify my life through acceptance of change, death and rebirth to be born again as the Child of Water, right where I started from again…

A Follow Up to Halloween

Just to follow up after my blog about Halloween I wanted to write about the experiences I had this season! It was crazy!

I was reading up on the Celtic people and their traditions for Halloween.  They called it Samhain (pronounced Sow-en) and to them the gates of the Otherworld started opening on Oct. 29 and closed on Nov. 1^st. Those were the days when there was the most otherworldly activity going on. I thought that was really cool! The Celtic people also considered sun down to be when the new day started instead of how we do it now where it starts at midnight. So to them when the sun went down on Oct. 31 it was technically Nov. 1^st and that’s why they called the 31^st All Hallows Eve. Nov. 1^st is when the veil would be the thinnest between worlds. Because of how close we are to the other side on that night it was especially good for divination and seeing future events. I’m not a fortune teller but I decided to use my Halloween Tarot deck to participate in a tradition that has been held for who knows how many years by the Celtic people and see if I could take a gander at what the days between the 29 and the 1^st would bring. I pulled a random card each day to represent who or what other worldly forces would be at play during the day and then I pulled 3 cards to represent the events that influence would have on the day. So!....

September 28^th-29th

-Who or What other worldly forces will be at work today?

-King of Wands-Male influences, hasty and Fiery. The King of Wands can be an actor of sorts, someone who can wear all sorts of masks and has the confidence to pull off each roll.

-What events will this influence lead to today?

                -7 of Pentacles- Hard work, seeing results but after a long period of effort. Breakthroughs, a change of luck based on the quality of work put into projects.

                - 5 of Swords- Bullies and their victims, loss, defeat. Unfairness…

                - I Magician- Natural skills, working with all elements, creative power and mastery

The King of Wands to me was interesting to pop up representing otherworldly influences. In my last blog I hinted at the Queen of Wands as being a feminine aspect from the otherworld. I’ve read different theories that the suit of Cups is more about intuition, spirituality and “the Sight”, but maybe the wands could be the energy found there and the skills gained to work with it. To me the Queen of Wands is the Sensor of the deck, who has the premonitions and works with the other side. Perhaps the King then is the Shaman who travels the other worlds and has the authority there to gain insight to bring back here to share with his people. Who knows?

So keeping the King of wands in mind I looked at the event of the day that would be influenced by the King. The 7 of Pentacles was interesting because work that day was ridiculous. The pod I work in with my co workers had this shipment that took us from 9:30 to about 3 in the morning to finish. It felt like we had been working so hard all night with no productivity to show for it. Then the 5 of Swords happened. Things just got weird, like the mood shifted and just felt weird. People were crying, people were making people cry… the image in the 5 of Swords in the Halloween Tarot is a picture of a boy stealing Halloween candy from little kids. Kids were crying and the bullies were abusing their power. It was uncanny how right on that card was. Then the night ended with the Magician. I found myself having to really use the skills that I’ve learned to pull my team through some drama that our “bully” was trying to start. To me the magician is creative and craftsy, I usually relate that card to people who can make or do anything, like the “Jack of All Trades” people. But I was the magician in a whole new perspective! It was pretty cool.

Oct. 29^th-30th

-Who or What other worldly forces will be at work today?

                -XVI The Tower

                Chaos, enlightenment, clearing away the old to make way for the new, new foundations

The Tower is a card that is followed by some kind of shake up. When you have an epiphany of sorts there’s no way you can go back to your old way of viewing the world. And so naturally there is a time of chaos when you try to figure out how to apply your new views to your daily life. It’s that time in your life that you can look back on and be glad that’s it’s over but your happy it happened.

-What events will this influence lead to today?

                -VIII Strength- The use of gentle persuasion over brute force.

                -2 of Pentacles- Balancing two situations

                -3 of Pentacles- Hard work with the strength of passion behind it.

After work on the 30^th I had the worst headache ever. It could have been the “lightning bolt to the crown” that is depicted in the Tower but without the enlightenment behind it! The feeling at my job felt chaotic. The VIII Strength card was really funny because the image looked just like a moment I had with the “bully” at my job. It’s this lady who doesn’t know how to properly manage her row of workers and has a tendency to use her powers for her own self esteem. I was walking by her and she just looked so small and frail and it looked like the way the artist depicted the lion in the Strength card, all huge and imposing but with this look of sheer terror! The lion tamer is calm and sweet with the lion and is looking into his mouth to see what’s wrong with no fear of her hand getting bit of. To me I felt like the lion tamer and this lady was the lion. Instead of reacting to her games with anger I used “gentle strength over brute force” and I didn’t let my anger from the other day become “brute force”. The 2 of Pentacles was funny because I was having really fun and interesting conversations with friends at work about like astrology and the tarot and the elements and such, but then had to remember that “oh yeah I should be working” it did feel like a juggling act which is the depiction in the image of the 2 of pent. Then the 3 was funny because I came home from work and made astrology charts and studied up on things just because I wanted to! It was work, but there was a passion behind it.

Oct. 30^th-31^st

-Who or What other worldly forces will be at work today?

                5 of Wands-Competition, generating conflict due to stagnation, struggle

My grandma when she first taught me tarot told me that in numerology, 5’s are what she calls AFGO’s (Another Freaking Growth Opportunity). The 5 of Wands is an opportunity to test you on how you face challenge and competition.

-What events will this influence lead to today?

                -Queen of Wands-Our sensor again!

                -Page of Pentacles- learning about the world around us, study and seeking.

                -10 of Pentacles- Rewards, Family generations and inheritance

All day at work I could just imagine all of these little imps running around the lab and causing trouble everywhere just like in the 5 of Wands card. People were starting up conflicts not because they really felt a particular way about anything but because they just wanted to argue. Electronics weren’t working very well, things went missing people were on edge. The Queen of Wands was in a lot of conversations I was having during the weekend. To me it was funny that it kept coming up because I had learned a lot about her from the passing weeks. The page of pentacles was about learning about our natural world and seeking knowledge. The 10 of Pentacles was a picture of a kid trying to hit a piñata but there was a strange masked figure messing around with the rope the piñata was on. We finished the work early that night and they decided to let us watch the Nightmare Before Christmas what with it being Halloween and all. It had been such a weird day that is was nice to be rewarded with a fun movie to watch instead of a boring documentary they usually have us watch.

Oct.31^st – Nov. 1^st Halloween

Before I put the cards I got I’m just going to say that Halloween this year was without a doubt the weirdest Halloween I’ve ever had that I can consciously recall. And it wasn’t even just me! It was everywhere. I saw it in the football game my brother was watching. I saw it in everyone around me! Instead of thinking about the other worldly forces for my first card I decided to see what all the other “Influence” cards were building towards, like if they all could morph into one, what form would they take?

-What is the King of Wands, the Tower and the 5 of Wands culminating to?

                -XXI The World – “the fool reaches the end of his journey at the World (or Underworld) …”

Completion, Success, a sense of oneness with the world around you.

-What event’s will this influence lead to today?

-4 of Pentacles- miserly tendencies to greed and hoarding, savings, thinking ahead for future harvests

-6 of Wands- meaningful victories, much tested and much earned success.

-8 of Bats- restrictive surroundings, bad situations, imprisonment of the mind

When I pulled the World card for my question about how all the other influence cards were connected it was only natural that they combined into the World card. It’s a message that the other world is a part of this world; it’s not a separate place. It has just as much influence in our day to day that we have to it. And on Halloween when that gate is opened and we all walk together no wonder everything seems crazy! I dressed up as Elder Price from the Book of Mormon musical for Halloween. I asked my brother Kelly if I could wear one of his white shirts. I had tried it on to see how it would look a few times before Halloween but at work that night when I went to put the name tag on my pocket I noticed there was a paper already there. When I pulled it out I realized it was the program from my Grandma Walker’s funeral from 2009! There was her picture looking right at me. I truly almost started crying. After all my talk about The Otherworld and reconnecting with our ancestors who have passed on I couldn’t even have fathomed a sign that obvious! Between all the pesky little imps running around and causing trouble and all the petty drama at work, the card readings and the articles read about the season, that moment truly made me respect the powers at work behind the scenes during Halloween. Everything else that night had to offer didn’t even come close to that moment that I got to reconnect with my grandma after 2 long years of her being gone.

This Halloween had a lot of weird activity, fights and drama, but I feel even more connected to the other side then I ever had before. It’s not about seeing ghosts all the time and being haunted although there are situations where that happens. Being connected to the otherworld is just being aware of your surroundings and being able to understand those signs. Having a foot in both the worlds as the saying goes…

Thoughts on Halloween-2011

It has been ages since my last post! I do plenty of writing of my own but I can’t seem to get the motivation to get it on the computer. I prefer writing on paper. I can relate easier to my own handwriting than to an automatic font that anybody can use.

My latest thoughts have been about Halloween. Well maybe I should start a little before Halloween. I’ve been really sensitive about The Otherworld for some reason. When I use to term “The Otherworld” in this blog I’m not meaning Hell or any place that’s “evil”. I feel like that is an important thing to start off with. I mean it more like the Celts used it as the place of the dead. It’s a concept that has been used long before the concept of Hell came about.

These thoughts started when I started watching those ghosts’ shows on TV. I would get so mad while I watched them! I felt like these people that host the shows had no idea what they were getting themselves into. Like it was just a game they were playing with a serious issue.

Then as Halloween came around I started learning about where the traditions came from and why we do what we do for Halloween. Basically I’ve learned that America has done to Halloween what we’ve done to all the rest of our holidays. We’ve taken these celebrations and turned them into self gain. I’m not going to go on a rant about greed. I just wanted to “raise awareness” to why we do what we do instead of doing it out of habit.

Every country in the world has a day where the people honor the dead. There’s Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) in Mexico, in Brazil they celebrate Dia de Finados, there’s All Saints Day and All Souls Day in the Roman Catholic heritage in Europe, The Bon Festival is Buddhist for honoring departed spirits of the ancestors. The list goes on and on but I think that’s enough to show the point that Halloween in America, which started off as All Hallows Eve, has really become cutesy and tempered down, really having nothing to do with the dead at all.

On Halloween the veil between this world and The Otherworld is the thinnest. We started dressing up as a way to spook the otherworldly creatures away from us and our homes (especially faeries. Faeries are anything but cute and sweet!). Jack o Lanterns are cool. They used to be made out of turnips and radishes. When you carve pumpkins it’s best to carve one for every head that lives in your house. The jack o lantern protects the people in your family so having one for everybody covers everyone’s assets! :D In some traditions people would set a place in their house for their dead loved one’s spirits by preparing their favorite meals and feasts. So maybe this year just to keep our departed loved ones in our hearts maybe we could start by passing out their favorite candies they liked and just sharing memories you have of them; the good and the bad. You might even come to a resolution with them if you let them speak with you.

Halloween is a time of awakening. When I started really thinking about all of this, I decided to pull cards (as per usual) from my Halloween Tarot Deck. I got the Queen of Wands (which has been popping up constantly for me the past little while), XX Judgment and the 8 of Wands. In the tarot XX Judgment is a rebirth and awakening card. To have gotten this card in regards to Halloween is pretty right on. Halloween is a time for the Dead to rise from their grave (which is the typical image in the card) and to face their choices, nothing being hidden or censored from their minds. The character Shadow in the book American God’s by Neil Gaiman goes through that very same thing when he dies and has his heart weighed to that of a feather. In the story, Shadow feels everything he has ever felt in his life. How would that feel like? To be faced with memories and choices we’ve made that have been pushed down into our own “Shadow’s” and having to own up to those hurts? To be quite literally naked (just like the dead figures in the XX Judgment card) in front of a divine being who is giving you your “final” judgment. To us moments like this happen infrequently. We can be faced with repercussions of a choice we made and have to correct so we can move on. What about the spirits? What about the spirits for whatever reason still hang around us?

When I pulled the Queen of Wands (in the Halloween Tarot deck the wands were changed for Imps. I’m just using the typical symbol the Wands so I don’t get confused lol) for some reason the first “hit” I got was Spirit. Whenever I get Court Cards in readings I always get stumped. The court cards can represent a lot of different things. They can represent a person, which to me is hard to pinpoint because it could represent any number of people. They can represent the archetype of you that is directly involved with what is going on in your life at the moment or they can represent the personality of a situation if that makes any sense. When reading the cards we have to always go by our intuition. That’s why the “first hit” or first thought is usually the answer to the question. When I got the Queen of Wands I first decided to ignore my instincts because to me it’s hard to prove who the card could be about! Ok, so I feel spirit. What does that even mean? Does it mean a spirit of someone I know? Is it the spirit of Halloween? I decided that the traits of the Queen of Wands should be applied to the spirit of Halloween. The Queen of Wands is a sensor of the natural world. The Otherworld is a part of our natural world so she would be a sensor of that energy in our lives. She is usually depicted with a black cat. So she may be the witch with her black cat that you encounter on Halloween night. The cat is a magickal creature who is said to walk between the worlds. The Q.ofW. reminds me of Professor McGonagall from Harry Potter. She is a fiery witch who you would never dream of crossing and she just so happens to turn into a cat. But not to go into more harry potter metaphors because I know I could go on for hours…. Maybe she is the Faerie Queen of the Tuatha De’ Danann from Irish mythology? Who knows?

Then I get the 8 of Wands. This one seemed to stump me as well for a bit. The 8 of Wands is a card of action and fast movement. My tarot teacher called it the “email and texting card”. It’s a card about messages, about energy going all sorts of which ways. It can also be a harmonious card when every element is synched together like music or plays. For Halloween it could possibly be a card about the excitement and the anticipation! Maybe it could be a card about harmony between us and the otherworld.

I guess a good message to gain from these cards concerning Halloween would be to learn how to become sensitive to the spirits of our ancestors and our friends in the otherworld, to help awaken to our shadows so that we can move on and evolve and to work together with these beings in harmony without fear because the spirit world is a scary concept for people.

So while we dress up like Zombies, pop stars and sexy cats this year, just think about the spirits that are waiting just outside our earthly vision and how we can honor what they have left behind for us…

And then there was Tom

A few months ago Sean said he wanted to get a dog. It's funny, because I've always wanted a dog, always. But everyone of my friends that have said something about getting a dog i have something to say about why they shouldn't. and those words sound an awful lot like the words my Mom always said to me when i got the "I want a puppy" bug. All sorts of silly things about responsibility and the like. So that's what i told Sean when he was wanting a dog! So silly!

Well, a few weeks ago, i was thinking about it and i was like "maybe getting a dog wouldn't be so bad after all!" and i brought it up with Sean and of course he got all frustrated because i was being a girl! a confusing, frustrating girl! so another week or so goes by and Sean says he wants to check out the shelters to look for a dog. But that was at 7 at night and all the shelters were closed so we went home and My Mother of ALL people picked out a website for us to check out before going to the shelters, and it was for the Humane Society. We looked through 10 pages worth of listings before my eyes picked out the cutest face in the world! I was such a girl and was like "oh Sean look at that face!!!" and it was only 3 months old and the info was only posted 2 hours before hand! so i wrote down the ID number and kennel number and said to Sean that we shouldn't get to excited for the one particular dog because who knows if he'd still be there in the morning!

The rest of the evening i was so excited to get up early and look for a puppy (hopefully that puppy).

When we woke up and got ready i went to my room to pull a Card of the Day from my Tarot cards as per usual, this time keeping in mind the dog and what to expect from the day ahead. And Literally (not figuratively) a card flipped out of the deck while i was shuffling. It was the Knight Of Wands. The Court Cards (or Personality cards) usually refer to the personality of an individual of the personality of the day and events. And the Knight of Wands would be a personality that would "Jump" out of a deck. So i definitely was excited when i got that card for a day of "Puppy Shopping".

So we go to the shelter that the website listed on the page and there was nothing there. The lady said they didn't have any puppies and that there was only a few dogs there. So she gave us a flyer for other shelters (grumpily) and didn't even help us figure out which shelter to check out next! So we just picked one hoping it was the one with the Puppy we saw on the internet. 

When we get to that shelter it was still closed! Blah! so we decide to kill some time at the Petsmart to look around and keep up are enthusiasm for a dog. We go back at 11:30am and they still hadn't quite opened their doors yet and there was a line of people waiting to get in! and i was getting really upset because i am definitely not a patient person! We go in and the lady points out the door with the dogs and there were soooo many Pit Bulls it was sad! But not one sign of the puppy we were looking for again! so we ask that lady about the puppy and i show her the ID number i had written down and she recognizes the number and gives us another flyer! but she at least was helpful and told us which one it was and how to get there!

On with the Adventure! Blah!

We get lost trying to find the shelter! i was like! of course! but finally we found the road and found the shelter! 

We go inside that shelter and the lady shows us where the smaller dogs are and i walk as if guided right to that Face! There was the puppy we saw on the internet! and when we took him out of his kennel he Leaped right into my arms! (rather like the Knight of Wands lept from the deck). We took him outside and he was so Cute! The shelter had his name listed as Tank. And we saw why! he kept plowing into everything! as we sat on the lawn and played with him for that half hour i kept thinking about how similar in personality traits Tank was to the Knight of Wands. He was full of energy and so interested in anything that moved and couldn't stay concentrated on one thing! and even the process in finding him was an adventure worthy of a Knight.

The shelter wanted to make sure that the new puppy would get along with any other animals that will live where he will be living. So we went and got Izzy (Sean's sister Emily's dog) and took her to meet the puppy. On the way there we were thinking of names for the puppy and Sean said "How about Tom, like Tom DeLonge from Blink 182? He's lanky and goofy like he is" and i totally could see the resemblance! So we decided on Tom!

Izzy HATED that shelter! She wouldn't even pay any attention to Tom because she was so freaked out about being there! So that part was kind of a waste of time because we couldn't tell how they would get along, but Izzy is a small dog that couldn't bully Tom too much so they decided that we would be perfect parents! So we adopted him!

He is still very much that Knight of Wands to me. Tom is sooo smart and incredibly sweet and cuddly! Even my Mom loves him! MY Mom! He's basically house trained already, almost. He knows how to sit and stay fairly well and he's learning how to Shake! Just from watching the other dogs in Sean's family!

He came down with Kennel Cough though a few days after bringing him home and we took him to the Vet who didn't seem worried so that made me feel better. He sounded like a duck when he would cough! it was the saddest, cutest thing ever! Is that horrible to say?

So that's the story about our puppy Tom so far. How crazy full of uncanny circumstances! It's like God heard us talking about our perfect Dog, made us wait for awhile while he made him and then sent us the signs to find him!

Cutest Dog Ever!

Hey Mercury! Nice Pants!

Mercury was in Retrograde the past few weeks (obviously everyone knows that ha ha ha). And if you’re not a geek and nerd about astrology (or just don’t really care) you probably experienced it one way or the other… like the HORENDOUS traffic! Not being able to speak clearly to people! And just having one of Those months!

Well my weeks were pretty odd. Almost hit a black cat (yeah that really happened) that disappeared as fast as it came. Crazy crazy dreams. Nothing at work could go right! It was just ridiculous! But now supposedly all that should be getting better…. Unless it doesn’t… then it’s probably just bad luck! Who knows!

ANYWAYS!

Sometimes my mind feels like it’s bigger than my brain. As if it’s much more expansive to fit into such a small place.  There are times that I just get into myself and Think! It’s like my conscious has woken up and I’m just like… oh my gosh! And my mind wont stop thinking. When I go to bed I lay awake for hours and think, and when I do sleep I thrash in my sleep, pillows and blankets thrown all over the room, and my dreams are so huge, that when I wake I feel disconnected. I feel like I’m still far away in the otherworld and not this one. I used to walk in my sleep, like really walk in my sleep. My parents would find me in the strangest of places. My grandma once told me when I was really little that my spirit was just going for a walk and took my body with me. And sometimes I think about that now and it creeps me out! Ha ha ha! If that actually happens, what does my spirit see? What’s there beyond the wall of my room that my physical body can’t walk through? I go through periods when I can sleep and actually rest through the night, but all my life I would go through another phase of walking/talking/ and dreaming that makes it hard to really rest. Why is that?

A few months ago I went to a mission fare well. I haven’t been to church forever and ever! There’s something about sacrament meeting that takes me back. But it seemed different at this particular meeting.  It was just so… typical. I mean, there’s power in ritualistic, traditional things, but this one seemed just uninspiring. The missionary we were saying fare well to read his talk, and the kid that was Returning from his mission was so redundant in what he said. The most exciting part was when our missionary started crying while he was baring his testimony. At least there was some passion in spirituality in that one moment. Neither leaving or returning missionary could hold the attention of the congregation, but then again the congregation wasn’t giving any attention to them. It felt so typical and so routine. I think that’s why I liked Young Women’s and Girl’s camp. It was more hands on and more passionate.

The returning missionary kept talking about things we “should” or “shouldn’t” be doing. Redundantly saying how “there’s happiness in doing what you should be doing”…. Well? What “should” we be doing? Why “should” people all have a set dogmatic system on the things everyone “should” be doing?  

In the movie Dogma, Chris Rock was talking about Ideas and how people don’t have ideas anymore. How the world was better when people just had ideas. Everything is so set in stone these days about what “should” or “shouldn’t” be.

Physically things do NOT stay the same. We grow we evolve we don’t stay in one moment of life forever because where’s the growth in that?

The returning missionary said “living the gospel makes you happy”. Great!........... but what does that mean? It sounded so rehearsed, so typical. It sounded like something you say everyday, but never DO what you’re talking about…

I like to look up words in the dictionary (and google lol) and find the literal description of words so I googled “Gospel” and it said: The 4 books in the New Testament (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John) that tell the story about Christ’s life and teachings.

Ok, now that makes sense… but do the little kids who hear the phrase “Live the Gospel” know that? Maybe, I don’t know.

What it’s saying (I gather) is to live what Christ taught and how he lived his life. Love and be truly AWE-some and know that we have the power to perform miracles. “As above, so below” “do ye not know that ye are GODS?”

“Live the gospel” he says as the people chase their little kids down the aisle and fall asleep in their pews.

I watched an educational video at work about the Brain and brain development in babies. The video showed the formation of the sperm and the egg and how a baby forms! It forms from this messy gooey thing into a human being with this Brain! A brain that’s also this messy gooey thing inside our skulls that run our lives, that has hundreds and thousands of these CHARGED neurons and cells! Charged energy rushing through our brains, our bodies! This mushy goo in our head that THINKS! That can expand with strength when trained and used! This mush that sends messages, this goo that can see! When we close our eyes we can Imagine and See! How does mushy goo DO that?!

Scientifically it can be explained, but how does it do it? And if these energy charged neurons can make you smarter and if it’s pure Energy…. Maybe all those supernatural things can be explained. Simply imagining and thinking can be supernatural because you SEE it! How can mush project images into the “Mind”? It’s such a simple thing, thinking and imagining. People do it all the time and they don’t even realize they are practicing Godhood, so detailed and precise. How does a brain create depression? Happiness? Scientifically they talk about physiological factors, but where did a brain create these powerful emotions? How does it even create emotions?

If a brain does all that stuff naturally and can obviously do huge things when used, it can really do huge things that we probably couldn’t fathom! All the cosmic Huge-ness (lol) that people talk about could be so simple. The doctors in the video were saying that the weak areas in the brain can be strengthened when you use them. So, spiritually speaking (not religiously speaking) exercising your brain would increase intuition and all that jazz the exact same way you learn math!

“To live the gospel” to actually be like Christ, all those “Primary answers” that we say without thinking, power hidden in plain sight… it’s crazy!

November, 29 2008~Flash Backs

This scene is so familiar somehow.

Though instead of cheap cement and concrete

the walls were made of stone.

I close my eyes

and i can feel the same sense

of magic in the air

but the picture has changed:

I'm sitting at a beautiful grand oak table,

ancient scrolls with symbols, runes and herbs laying at the end of the table.

My hands running down the silk dress i wear,

long, flowing, extravagant.

A crown resting on my head

symbolizing my power.

Safe in my casted circle.

You walked in then,

just as you did now.

The face and body you wore was different than it is now

but i always know it's you.

My Prince.

Your hand imediately clasps mine

a habbit you've always done from lifetimes before.

In that moment my sight is brought back to the present:

the stone work back into the graffitied brick garage wall,

my dress into a baggy hoodie and black and white plaid pajama bottoms,

your shirt transforms from a royal court cape

to a novelty t-shirt with a silly slogan on it.

My Prince.

I smile at you,

the face of this lifetime,

and i can still see what i'm able to see

each time we find each other:

it's not hard to recognize once i see it,

the sense that the other half of my soul that i didn't realize was missing

has just danced into the room

capturing the attention of all the other seekers, mesmerizing the other dancers

and reaches out and grabes my hand.

It happens so easily

everytime,

and each time

i hold your hand

you guide me back

to our

perfect paradise.

A Justice Reading~ Mystic Dream Tarot Deck. 08/18/10

"Justice, justice shall you pursue, that you may thrive and occupy the land the Eternal (YHVH), your god, is giving to you."

(Deut. 16:20 From The Torah)

(the five books of Moses, Deuteronomy is the last)

St. Augustine said "When God wants us to hear something, He says it twice." I study and practice The Tarot. Yesterday and today i got the major arcana card XI Justice. Justice twice. I've been going through the book Tarot Wisdom by Rachel Pollack, in the book she goes through each card one at a time and at the end has reading layouts that correspond to the Major Card you just read about. The Justice card traditionally refers to legal and court affairs, but what was interesting was her take on Justice without legal situations. Justice of Self. Justice in following our genuine inmost nature. truly trusting who we are.


this past weekend, i was going through pretty bad personal silly things, 2 days picking XI Justice. i realized that, hardly coincidentally, i was to the chapter on Justice in the book. i usually wait for a sort of nudge before going on in the book, depending on my personal life. each time i get a sign, i read on in the book, and each time the chapter is totally talking about what i was going through. The author even mentions her own experience with getting the word Justice twice. so i read the chapter and got to the end where you do the reading.

(roughly how the spread looked like, i did it in Paint to give an idea)

Each position is where a card goes and there are questions that go with each position. so the theory is the card that you flip over on the spot is the situation or sometimes answer to the question. The spread is laid out to represent the Scales of Justice. Now I'm going to take you through the reading (now that I've given some back ground information) how i do readings for Myself and others. I'm going to try to include some inner dialogue that i think to myself during the readings with a ** symbol...


1- What is Outer Justice

-card: 10 of Wands

-*I really have no idea! how is a card that's about burdens and carrying loads have anything to do with Justice?!*
Ok, the question is "What is outer Justice?" and the card is the 10 of wands. To figure this out, first you have to ask "Well, what IS Outer Justice?" The word Outer is Outside. Outside ourselves.*ok that's simple* The form of Justice I'm using isn't legal, it's personal, so Justice in the "True to Self" sense. So the question is asking "How am i presenting myself in my life right now to my friends, family and coworkers (outer), and how is that presentation being True to Myself? *ha!*
So now that the question makes sense, how do you incorporate the card, the 10 of wands? *psh! i still have no idea!* so what i usually do in this situation when i just don't know is get out the books! the 10 of Wands like i said usually implies burdens and needing to delegate. ask for help. *but i don't do anything except work... that doesn't make any sense at all!* then i read in handouts about the 10 of wands my Teacher gave us during my class on tarot. it said "if you love your work but it's all consuming, you may be too narrowly focused in one area. Balance your life with other interests." *Oh there it is* looking at it that way i figured out the card and question were addressing my "Either's". I'm either ALL about work during my work week, to only being about my boyfriend. Work. Him. Nothing else. So then, when he's off doing his things, i get mad and jealous because he has other things besides me. and i don't. *of course* so! the 10 of wands in the "What is Outer Justice" position is talking about my invisible burdens. the burdens i place on myself because i DON'T have physical burdens to deal with (if that makes any sense at all). i don't have school, i don't have hobbies, i don't have projects. all i have is Work or Him. *ok ok next freaking card...angry face*


2-What is the Wisdom of Pursuing it? (IT being question #1)
*What is with these confusing questions?!*


-card: XX Judgement
*of course*


So! the major arcana card XX Judgement is all about Rebirth, letting go of the past, Change, and making a moral inventory. the wisdom in pursuing the 10 of wands (balancing life with other interests) would be XX Judgement- an initiation of sorts, to be reborn into a life that has more to do than just work or Boy.*easy enough* so that leads us to:


3-What action is best?


-card: Queen of Pentacles


-What action is best, meaning what action is best to take now that i know what my outer self is like in public (10 of wands) and what wisdom i could gain from pursuing a changed life (XX judgement). The Queen of Pentacles. So a card i never really associate myself with. The Queen is about house keeping *Dad don't even start* and creative projects and crafts. She is loving, and nurturing. i always envision the Perfect Relief society leaders, the ones that run the perfect house that do all of the crafts *i really really really Hate crafts*. so what is the answer to what action is best? What i got was this: i need to start creating. The Queen of Pentacles likes feeling accomplished. "Crossing things of her lists". I need to do these things for myself. By myself. Something to do for ME, not for work, not for Boy but for ME. The accomplished description reminded me of an article in a magazine i saw about Jennifer Hudson. she's been doing weight watchers and has lost a ton of weight and she said in this article that she loves the challenge, and loves challenging herself and showing herself she can do it. i haven't felt that way about anything for a long long time. i feel like i need to challenge myself with something and, like the Queen of Pentacles, to do it and be proud of myself. Right now, in life i dont have anything that's mine, and oddly enough that emptiness, that invisible burden (10 of wands) will lighten by adding more physical strain. and by letting go of past issues (XX Judgement) will balance my outer Justice! *PHEW! that was pretty cool how those three cards on the Scale spread worked out... time for the next scale*


4-What is Inner Justice?


-card: 9 of wands


-Inner Justice = 9 of wands. *hmm* well we talked about Outer Justice as being how we are publicly (outer) so Inner Justice is How we are true to ourselves on the inside. the 9 of wands is about wounds and scars. about Wary Defensiveness. in the Guide book to this deck it talks about being dissatisfied with something. how the girl in the picture is just concentrating on the one Wand that isn't blooming while there are 8 more Wands blooming in the background. sometimes, no matter how much anyone does right by me, no matter how many times I'm more happy with a person then mad, i always tend to dwell on the negative. and that negativity grows in my mind and starts beating me up and giving me more bruises on top of the ones that where already there. this bully in my head taunts me,dissatisfies me, and makes me become defensive against the people closes to me that i love. that bully feeds images into my head about things that they could possibly do to hurt me and shows me what to hang onto to use against them. to not really trust the people i love. My inner justice is wounded and scarred. "Even if we aren't hurt physically, our psyches are wounded. Our openness, innocence and trust are gone, replaces by Wary Defensiveness".


5-What part do I play? (regarding Inner Justice)


-card: III The Empress


-*Does this surprise me? NO!* III The Empress in the Major Arcana can be described as the Empress over all the Queens. Out of all the Queens, the Queen of Pentacles (see question 3) is the MOST like the Empress in regards to description. Both nurturing and Loving and Creative. The Empress though, is more like Mother Earth. Where as The Queen is more to do with daily things and personality traits. The Empress is about Life/Death cycles and birth and fertility. She loving holds all forms of life. "What part do I play?" The Guidebook to the deck said: "Your role is to nurture without forcing or neglecting your project. pay attention to where you are in the cycle of your project or situation and take the proper steps. there is great potential for abundance if good care is given. this may require Action on your part or it may require a time of waiting." The bully inside my head is always hurting my feelings, and making me doubt myself and others.Kicking me in the shins, pulling my hair... For Inner Justice, to get rid of the bully that creates the 9 of wands, i need to be Motherly. Both the Queen Of Pentacles (outer justice) and The Empress (inner justice). if they saw a bully picking on their children, they would take the kid home by the ear, have a good talking to with the kids parents about bullying, and take their own child home and baby them, and hold them and love them. The Part I Play for Inner Justice is to be that mother that pays attention and watches her kids and who nurtures the life process. *and for those of you who were following along with the spread you may find it interesting that the Queen and the Empress are next to each other in their positioning... just saying*


6- How Will Justice Come About?


-card: XVIII The Moon.


-(From the Tarot Wisdom book) "As the central card of the 4th triad **a triad is what you get when you take all the Major arcana cards and lay them out in order from 0 to 21 in rows of 7, then you read going down** with the Emperor above (justice) and the Moon below, Justice balances Structure And Mystery." the book also goes on to explain numerology and how you can get a different Triad with The High Priestess, Justice and Judgement (see question 2). SO! So far in my justice reading i have pulled 2 cards that both sync up to the book and the triads concerning Justice. XX Judgement Outer and XVIII the Moon Inner. "Only by facing fears (inner subconscious symbolized by the deep water and the crab) can progress be made." How Will Justice come about? "Through a roller coaster ride of emotions!" With the moon card i can choose between 2 things:"Wander through this crazy, lunatic landscape howling at the Moon (wallow in depression, alienate friends and family with wild antisocial behavior) or GET ON THE PATH AND GO THROUGH IT PURPOSEFULLY." *because it's easier said then done to give Justice to your Inner Self!* with the moon card "You must travel in the dark, not knowing for sure if your path is the right one. There is no sunlight to guide you, no distant landmark in the hills to direct your steps, no one to travel alongside. this is a journey that must be made alone in the darkness, without a map or compass. You must learn to rely on your own inner light to lead you along the true path"


7- What is the Link between Inner and Outer Justice?

-card: Page of Cups


*oh no please dont start crying...*


-the link between Inner and Outer Justice is ME: The Page Of Cups. As soon as i turned over the card i thought to myself "It's like past Bridget came to talk to Future Bridget about my issues". Me: That girl that could be in the world but not of it. Who's head was always in the clouds but whose feet were always on the ground. Who loved deeply and unconditionally. who saw magic in everything. Who Imagined. That used to be me! i wonder what Past Bridget thought about Future Bridget when she saw me. did it scare her away seeing all this darkness inside of what once was her? did she even want to be around me?
The Tarot Wisdom book talked about the heart. It said "the heart chakra (or center or what have you) is right in the middle, between 3 chakras of physicality below and 3 of awareness above. The Heart forms the boarder, the place where Above and Below join together. What weighs down the heart-when we seek to 'come into the light' is guilt, fear and shame. What opens the heart, makes it weightless, is Justice."

So, what the whole spread basically boils down to is to

Know Thy Self.

When you know your self

problems aren't so problematic.

So that's the tarot for you! well, in my world anyhow...